Back on the Grill!

Well it's been a big year with no bloging, but as the weather on the sunny Gold Coast begins to heat up again it is time for Red Hot BBQ to kick back into action! Check back in the next few days to see what great BBQ ideas we have come across.

Too Long On The Grill

Wow, what an exciting few weeks its been here at Red Hot BBQ! We have seen so many captivating articles. We have been inspired to grill meats of all kinds without discrimination. The most memorable moment to date was the acknowledgement we received from Bernard. Bernard will always be near and dear to our hearts. What an amazing man and a great friend.

Sadly, TONG PADAWAN has really been carrying the project since its conception 3 weeks ago. at this point, TONG MASTER has posted 10 articles, But TONG PADAWAN has posted over 20. This has really caused me to drop into a deep depression that is sucking my will to live. I now have writers block and my strapping figure in my initial post has gradually deteriorated to a woeful state (pictured above). I have been left on the grill for too long and I am now burnt out.

TONG MASTER, we have had some truly great times. Your tutelage has allowed me to grow so much in the area of grilling. I am much more confident now with people and I thank you for the opportunity to search deep within and find the real TONG PADAWAN. Goodbyes are so hard and i just quickly need to thank some people. Graeme Will, whos angelic voice keeps me going through tough times. Marylin Manson, for his mentoring of Grahame (I am really noticing the fruit). Alf Stewart, whos temper, I will never get tired of. My Kaliharian friend Clock Nyap, your words are such an encouragement. BRIDE OF TONG, the engine room of the TONG MASTER. And MOTHER OF TONG, a truly great lady of the grill.

I dont want to get all emotional so I will leave you all with this, my final statement, "click clack nyap click clock".

Will The Real TONG MASTER Please Stand Up

They say a picture is worth 1000 words.


How many words would this picture be worth?

A Secret Fan

Throughout the weeks here at RedHotBbq, we have had a secret reader who never comments on postings, but is always checking the blog and keeping the public informed. She is FRIEND OF TONGS wife. FRIEND OF TONG told us that she tells him and others when the blog is updated. We would like to recognise her as FRIEND OF TONG'S BIRD. I know it sounds wierd. It almost sounds like TONG MASTER has a pet bird and she is a friend of that bird, but no. It is refering initially to FRIEND OF TONG and then adding in that he has a women in his life. We bring in the slang term "bird" as a sub for "wife". Another reason we have chose to name her "bird" is because she has read the entire blog from day 1 and she has never contributed. We feel she lives like a caged bird, embarrassed to post a comment. FRIEND OF TONG'S BIRD, we give you permission to shine! Unlock your cage and soar on high like the eagles.

TONG MASTERS Special Friend

TONG MASTER is a large and jolly man. He has a heart the size of Phar Lap. The huge fan base of Red Hot Bbq may be of the belief that TONG PADAWAN is TONG MASTERS closest friend but they are wrong. For many years, TONG MASTER and FRIEND OF TONG have shared many adventures together. They were in an elite sqaudron of timbrol players called "The Younge Disciples". Although TONG MASTER was much more advanced in the craft of timbrol playing, he still allowed a close bond to form between himself and FRIEND OF TONG. Linda, the team leader allowed the awkward little FRIEND OF TONG to still participate by blowing a small horn occasionally during performances. FRIEND OF TONG pulled out of timbrol playing because he could not master the level 5 routine called "Dominion" and also because the 50 year old team leader was dating a 20 year old South African man. They are still close to this day and although he was no good on the timbrol, he built a sacred bond with TONG MASTER. It is safe to say that he will always be TONG MASTERS special friend.

Rolling With The BRIDE OF TONG

The BRIDE OF TONG has a very special place in TONG PADAWANS heart. She is a great gal! A driven women, she spends her days running a popular coffee shop. BRIDE OF TONG shares TONG MASTER and FATHER OF TONGS love of motorbikes and can often be seen riding with the Hells Angels as backup on one of their many fire arm deals. She loves a good massage (from paid professionals at legitament establishments) from time to time and really enjoys TONG PADAWANS special cajun chicken. Although easily irritated by the smallest of things, BRIDE OF TONG is a delight to "roll with". I would encourage anyone out there to seek out the BRIDE OF TONG and "roll" with her today.

TONG MASTER'S New Role As Skipper

TONG MASTER, BRIDE OF TONG and 2 of their friends embarked on a journey to Lady Musgrave Island for some strange reason. TONG PADAWAN keeps watch over the grill while he is away. I feel TONG MASTER will take on the role of "the skipper" from the hilarious Gilligans Island TV Show. He will really dominate the island and dare I say, there will be very little marine life left on the reef after THE SKIPPER is finished eating. Stay safe TONG MASTER/THE SKIPPER.

Fathers Of The Faith

Well it seams that in all the controversy that Alex V caused with his african insanity, We missed a very important event. REDHOTBBQ is 2 weeks old. As the TONG PADAWAN, I feel it is my responsibility to trace our roots. I have found three very influential "Fathers of the grilling faith". These brave men paved the way for carnivores everywhere.

Lets start with a truly great man whos cutting edge scientific discoveries had carrot munching, cous cous eating hippies everywhere re-thinking their dietry beliefs. I am refereing to the amazing Dr Aitkins, creator of the world renowned Aitkins diet.TONG MASTER and myself were both disciples of Aitkins. TONG MASTER took a more extreme approach by analysing his urine on a daily basis using little bits of paper he bought from the chemist. Dr Aitkins we salute your "Hi Fat" diet. IT HAS CHANGED OUR LIVES.

The second of the "Fathers of the faith" is the creator of the amazing "Goo Remover". Im sure by now you have guessed it, I am talking about Big Kev. Big Kevs hearts desire is to eat big and party hard. He is an inspiration to grillers everwhere. The last I heard of Big Kev was from his PA who had been sent out to buy Big Kev a carton of beer and an ounce of canabis. You naughty naughty naughty man Big Kev, we honour the sacrifices you have made for grillers all around the world.

The third "Father of the grilling faith" is a sad story. Jarod was a great man (pictured left in happier times), capable of devouring a whole pig in one sitting. It is rumored that he ate his own mother whilst on a feeding frenzy. His big eating ways were an inspiration to us all. Sadly Jarod turned his back on high end feeding sessions and replaced them with a Subway diet.

Its been an emotional 2 weeks for use here at REDHOTBBQ. We are looking foward to many more happy postings in the next year. Stay tuned this week for 2 hot new articles, "Rolling With The BRIDE OF TONG" and "Will The Real TONG MASTER Please Stand Up".

Stay true to yourself. TONG PADAWAN out.

Advertising Slogan Generator

As some one who works in a busy marketing company I find I don't have too much free time to enjoy blogging... that is until now!

 

Introducing the Advertising Slogan Generator!

 

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=Red+Hot+BBQ

African Alex V's Assault

The mysterious Alex V, outraged by TONG MASTERS nil response to his beef request has hit back hard. His friends described him as "nuts" when he donned full African tribal wear (pictured right) and proceeded to grill up boerewors, a traditional African sausage. He no longer speaks English or Serbian but now chooses to comunicate fluently in the tounges of the Kalahari tribesman (identical to those in "The Gods Must Be Crazy" films). When we asked him if he would consider stopping his rival bbq he replied "click clack nyap click clock". My close Kalaharian friend (pictured below) translated this as "get stuffed you loser". Im affraid of the consequences this may incurr for him.

A true test of commitment

Apologies for the long time between postings... after the hearty roast pork on the weekend I went into a deep hibernation much like the grizzlys of North America.

Anyway, after many training sessions with myself Tong Padawan now feels he has reached a point where he could successfully host his own BBQ and has planned this feeding frenzy for Saturday afternoon. However our sunny Gold Coast home is currently experiencing quite a rainy period much as it does every Indy season. I was sure this would test Tong Padawans resolve, but to my surprise when I looked out my window this morning I saw Tong Padawan out training his body for this event.

WELL DONE TONG PADAWAN!!!

Where For Art Though TONGMASTER?

Has anyone noticed that TONG MASTER has not posted in a week. We here at redhotbbq are very concerned. With new blogs out there from GRILL MASTER BURTONG, TONG MASTER had better get his B into G so we can remain the number one bbq blog in the world. TONG MASTERS close friends (pictured right) offer up a cry to TONG MASTER, "Where for art though". TONG MASTER played a key role in raising them in their younger years. He released them to work in a fish n chip shop deep frying things as they were not fit for the grill scene.

That Sinking Feeling

I, TONG PADAWAN have been so faithful to TONG MASTER for many years now. Always willing to do the dirty work in order for TONG MASTER to fully focus on the cookery of fine meats. Today, my allegiance has been tested. I was working away when FRIEND OF TONG emailed letting me know about a secret bbq involving prawns that had been organised behind my back. Since I am the "jealous type", I immediately called TONG MASTER for an explanation. He said it was an exclusive event that I was not welcome at. I got what I like to call a "Sinking Feeling". I could only liken it to a scene from the Neverending Story where the young warrior Atraeu watched his faithful horse Artax sink into the swamps of sadness. You see, the Swamps of Sadness had the power to make those who travelled through them, depressed. The depression caused the victim to sink deep into the mud and die. Artax the faithful horse was neglected by Atraeu as marched through the swamp and the depression set in. Atraeu turned to see his horse sinking. Artax died because Atraeu forgot they were a team.Artax's final moments are pictured belowTONG MASTER would not be aware of the Neverending Story as MOTHER OF TONG deemed it devilish. SISTER OF TONG did however sneek over to the neighbors house and watch it so she may be able to explain it to TONG MASTER. Anyway getting back to topic, I felt like this horse. Left behind for the swamp of sadness to consume me. But I will not be swallowed by the mud, I will not let TONG MASTER hurt me. I have arranged a rival event for the evening that TONG MASTER is not invited to. I had better get a big apology if this relationship is to mend properly. Maybe TONG MASTER can find someone else to put the meat on the bbq(because he doesnt like the slimy feeling of raw meat) and I'd like to see who he finds to do a "couple of bin runs" and run a "full sink of hot soapy water".

It Takes Different Strokes To Rule The Grill

TONG MASTER needs to make a big decision about the Summer of Fire Festivals main event, Christmas day. An invited guest who we will call Alex V (to protect his identity) wants to add beef to the meat line up. TONG MASTER's decision currently sits at turkey and pork. Is there room in TONG MASTER's heart for the mysterious Alex V's meat request. When I asked a close personal friend of mine, Arnold, he said following... "The world dont move to the beat of just one drum, what might be rite for you, might not be rite for some". "It takes different strokes to rule the grill yes it does, it takes different strokes to rule the grill". "What you talkin bout TONG MASTER?"

What's in a name?

The origin of the word "barbecue" is somewhat obscure and controversial. Some assume that it comes from the French term "de barbe à queue" or "from beard to tail" (especially buccaneers who would roast and smoke whole goats, impaled on a stick "from the beard to the tail") and refers to an animal cooked whole. Others believe that the Caribbean Arawak Indians taught the Spanish sailors the art of "barbacoa" (means: wooden sticks). The Arawak Indians placed the meat on green wooden sticks over an outdoor fire. Others claim that the Taino Indigenous Nation of the Caribbean used a term "Taino barabicoa" which means "The sticks with four legs and many sticks of wood on top to place the cooking meat." There is also the Taino word "barabicu", which translates as "sacred fire pit".

For more information check out... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BBQ#Australasia

TONG MASTERS Word of the Week!

VIDDLES n. An assortment of small yet delicious treats cooked on a griddle. Usually coated in cajun spices (Tong Padwans favourite) viddles may include: Chicken Wings, Chippolates, Meat Balls a la Anne-Marie, prawns... you get the idea.

And next time your sitting down to a plate of Viddles may I suggest having 'Cajun Fun' playing in the background... this swanky album is sure to liven up any southern styled feast!

TONG MASTERS New Apron Set To Turn Heads

TONG MASTER has done it again. His new apron that features the naked body of the statue David. I have put a censored photo below. TONG MASTER believes that the male body is a beautiful thing and he is not ashamed of it. He has asked that he now be known as SHLONG MASTER. I have told him that it makes him sound like he is a homosexual. TONG MASTER agreed and will not be undergoing the name change. He did however suggest that the next apron he buys will have rubber breasts on it. That's our TONG MASTER!

A Call To Action

For those committed fans of redhotbbq, Im sure you would have noticed that TONG MASTER's Zodiac Year is Sheep (this info is displayed when you click on TONG MASTER on the far right). TONG MASTER is not a respector of the zodiac and for this reason I issue him with a call to action. He must create a dish involving bbq sheep. He must publish the recipe and then cook the dish in the next 15 days. I, the TONG PADAWAN will then sample the dish and post the results. redhotbbq fans unite! TONG MASTER has been called out. The sheep below are "eye balling" TONG MASTER as if to say, "you dont have the guts". What is TONG MASTER gonna do about it?

Her Boots Aren't Made For Walking

BRIDE OF TONG has become very inconsistent when it comes to her 5am daily walking commitment. Passion for the project is an essential requirement for our weight loss team. The excuses flow fast and furious from BRIDE OF TONG rangeing from "I couldnt get to sleep" to "I need rest". She also has a condition that doctors call "fussy feet". This condition affects the comfort of the feet every 5 - 10 paces while on the walking trails. "Fussy feet" targets the arch and heel and causes the sufferer to complain constantly. Im sure when she reads this, she will yell "aw shutup mate" but I am willing to risk it to get the messsage out to the redhotbbq fans. BRIDE OF TONG and I will be having a serious chat about the importance of team commitment this weekend. BRIDE OF TONG, if you are reading this, I love you enought to tell your many many many many many faults and hope you will set your sights on the excellence that is TONG PADAWAN's life. BRIDE OF TONG, when will your boots be made for walking again?

Stop the cruelty!

Removed from their warm beds, only to have their eyes cut out and skin ripped off their pale white flesh. Every year millions of young lives are cut short for the sake of delicacies such as chips, wedges, scallops, potato salads, the list goes on! PLANTS HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!! Put some pork on your fork and save a young spud today!

iBBQ

Apple has released the much speculated video iPod. Its real and its here. You saw it second on redhotbbq.

Where Do You Draw The Line?

Gourmet hotdogs are a fabulous and very cost effective treat. We have indulged in an amazing feeding session involving gourmet hotdogs or gdogs as I call them. Gdogs can be done in so many different ways including (for those bold enough to cross the boundaries of conventional cookery) the live gdog or "gdogs alive" as I call them. TONG MASTER recently ate this live gdog (picture right) with some lovely bbq relish. Cross the line and indulge in "gdogs alive", You wont go back.

The Will To Grill

TONG MASTER and myself are constantly in the hunt for "grilling music". TONG MASTER has an un-natural obsession with playing Christmas music in July. But as for me, I like the classics. Graeme Will is one of Australia's hottest new acts since Sherbert and Dragon. With hit songs like "Pass me not" and "Softly and Tenderly" this album should not be missed. Rumor has it that Graeme has been snapped up by "shock rocker" Marylin Manson and will be touring in 2006. Graeme Will, BBQ entertainment at its finest...

A Life Thats Thrilling Is A Life Of Grilling

TONG MASTER has really set the standard in Christmas parties for as long as I have known him. There is always one constant in his Christmas parties and that is the MOTHER OF TONG. I dont envy TONG MASTER as he gently lets MOTHER OF TONG down. It is my fear tha TONG MASTER is going the rite way for a smacked bottom. Pictured right: TONG MASTERS likes to be smacked like this.

"Tis the Season...

Christmas at TONG MASTER's is always a special affair normally involving the Tong Mother, Tong Father, Tong's five siblings and the inlaws. This year TONG MASTER is taking a bold step... Christmas at TONG MASTER's this year will be for TM, Tong's wife (Mrs Tong) and 6 invited friends (including Tong Padwan & wife). Please note this news has not yet been broken to Tong Mother and will go down like the proverbial lead balloon!

I feel it is my mission this year as TONG MASTER to prepare a traditional style Xmas day lunch but to do so over the hot coals in my six burner BBQ. As the day draws nearer I will be posting recipe ideas for the holiday season, but for now I am off to put up my tree! FELIZ NAVIDAD!

Weight Update

FYI... After the Monday evening way in for week one TONG MASTER is now registering 134.2kg on the scales... a loss of 3.3kg. It is also praise worthy to note that had TONG MASTER lived in USA the home of BBQ Ribs he would have gone from 303 pounds to 295 pounds... quite a milestone.

A Light Snack

TONG MASTER and myself always enjoy a light snack while grilling our prime cuts. We endorse the consumption of Tasty Jacks Chips with a refreshing Ginger/Root Beer. TONG MASTER dreams of someday eating a teenage boy just like the sumo wrestlers do.

Oh My Koche! Did Someone Say Bbq

Yes thats correct people, your eyes are not decieving you. That is the "David Koche" (the nerdy co-host of channel 7's Sunrise) sizzling his sausage in a pathetic publicity stunt. I think that the sorbent kid who later went on to play Arthur Macarthur in the hit comedy "Hey Dad" is standing next to him. TONG MASTER and myself would prefer if David stuck to being a Wall Street nerd so the grilling can be left to the experts.

BIG Apologies from TONG MASTER

I really must apologise on behalf of TONG MASTER for his lack of postings. He has been very busy this weekend watching Austar and has not been able to post the much anticipated "MOTHER OF TONG" article. MOTHER OF TONG loves a hearty meal and does not let anything go to waste. TONG MASTER asks that you keep him in your prayers as he has developed what his wife, THE BRIDE OF TONG calls a "throat tickle". Be strong TONG MASTER. Picture: MOTHER OF TONG

Gone Are The Days

At the risk of sounding extremely sexist, GONE ARE THE DAYS when the men were able to focus on the cooking of the meat while the women operated in the supporting role of salad prep and table setting. TONG MASTER and myself feel all alone when it comes to cooking a BBQ (the good old days pictured right).

The Beast Soaketh

This evenings feeding session involves 2kg of beef soaked in TONG MASTERS special secret marinade. TONG MASTER prides himself on his secret marinade recipe that is heavy on the bourbon. As the beast soaketh the flavour, we will enjoy Austar. I dream one day of marinating an entire live cow.

Flaming Mongrels

Last night TONG MASTER and Myself went to our butcher in Nerang. He offered us these massive 500gm rib eye steaks. Unfortunately for our wives, He only had 2 left so they got some Y bone steaks. For some reason, they were un happy with this. A close friend of mine(pictured below) who lives in Summer Bay said that we were "Flaming Mongrels" and he said we would never do that to his dead wife Ailsa.

The Power Of Flame

The SUMMER OF FIRE is set to be the Biggest event to hit south east Queensland since THE BETHLEHEM EXPERIMENT.
With mouth watering cuts of meat cooked to perfection coupled with themed evenings, you will not want to miss it.
TONG MASTER was called for such a time as this and I submit myself under his grilling authority.
I am the TONG PADAWAN and here is my photo.

3 Week BBQ Recap

Thursday - Sept. 15th
- Purchased new 6 burner stainless steel BBQ with side burner, roasting hood & storage cabinet.
- Seasoned the grill with 1kg of pork fat at full heat.
- First meal… Lamb Burgers… simple, yes! I was stuffed after assembling the new beast!

Friday - Sept. 16th
- Grilled Chicken Breast with satay sauce and basmati rice

Saturday - Sept. 17th
- ½ Kg Rib Eye on the bone with Hasselback Potatos, salad and Balsamic reduction

Sunday - Sept. 18th
- Bacon & Eggs Muffin breakfast

Friday - Sept. 165th
- Grilled Chicken Breast with satay sauce and basmati rice

Saturday - Sept. 24th
- Wood fire gourmet pizzas

Sunday - Sept. 25th
- Wood fire gourmet pizzas (they were too good!)

Friday - Sept. 30th
- Chicken burgers with grilled pineapple and bacon

Saturday - Oct. 1st
- Refill 9kg gas bottle already

- Spit Roast 2.25Kg rolled pork in Honey Bourbon marinade and hickory smoke. This was amazing!

Monday - Oct. 3rd
- Lamb burgers

Wednesday - Oct. 5th
- Satay Chicken Strips with basmati rice and salads from Chef Walker!

Thursday - Oct. 6th
- Portuguese Chicken with Rice-a-Riso and steamed veggies.

Well… that’s the first 3 weeks worth of beautiful carnivorous delights off the new BBQ! Bet you wish you were there hey Blue!?

Big Whopping Blister!

Well after watching the biggest Loser on Monday night and personally weighing in at 137.5kg I have decided to begin my weight loss regime.

I have begun walking for an hour at 5am every 2 days with my wife and tong assistant and am also eating weight watchers food... I will post in weekly with new weight up dates!

BTW the whopping great blister is on my foot from these walks... it is not refering to my gut :)

Red Hot BBQ

Welcome to Red Hot BBQ.......
The summer of fire is coming!